wat bout pragnant strippers??
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize