he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
