Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
