Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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