i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
