i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
