I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
soo... how was my night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
