Having a random hookup so left but love u
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize