just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
