Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
