You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
