also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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