I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
