Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
