I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
