Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
