Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
