mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
