she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
