i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the condom got lost in my hair
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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