I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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