Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
