Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ok first of all what the fuck
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
