piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
