I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
