my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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