So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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