how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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