Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
