It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
