Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
