There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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