Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize