The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
