well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
