call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
