you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
