I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
