Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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