I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
