i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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