I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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