There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
