Can Purell be used as lube?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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