What a fucking waste of an outfit
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
