He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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