3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
