You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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