Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
farters have to be the big spoon...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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