I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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