I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am spending my child support on dildos
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
