new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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