we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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