I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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