Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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