We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize