hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
