I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
