every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
