Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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