I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
